


Is this love ?

by clio_p



Category: BLACKPINK (Band), NCT (Band), Red Velvet - Fandom
Genre: Dysfunctional Relationships, F/F, F/M, Family, Friendship, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Platonic Relationships, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:28:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24432115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clio_p/pseuds/clio_p
Summary: A love story is never compete without some drama, action and a little bit of heartbreak. Well at least for normal people that is. Quite unfortunately, Jennie and Jaehyun couldn’t quite be considered normal, not really, not with such colourful characters. So really, it’s no surprise that as they navigate through this whirlwind , they find themselves constantly asking “Is this love?”. Because even normal love stories don’t have this much unnecessary drama.
Relationships: Irene/Taeyong, Jaehyun/Jennie, Lisa/Hanbin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2





	1. I.

**Author's Note:**

> This story can also be found on a different website (Asia fanfics) under the same name . I will be updating on both so readers can access it through the website they like/find easier.

Jennie has been crushing on Hanbin for a long time. She has read stories after stories about what it feels like to crush on someone, to obsess over them and even to love them. She has read about the butterflies in their stomach, the sweet pink blush that spreads across your cheeks and your heart as it beats a mile per minute.

However, Jennie never felt any of these; when she first saw Hanbin, sure she had felt a sense of nervousness but nothing more. She hadn’t been able to explain it so she had just brushed it off. It had only been when she was thirteen that she felt these strange feelings.

Jennie had been out of breath, resting her head weakly at the side of the staircase, struggling not to pass out, her mind on her parents and her eyes brimming with tears; Hanbin had shown up then. With a worried crease in his forehead, he had firmly grabbed Jennie’s hand and dragged her to the nurse’s office and made sure she was properly looked after before taking his leave. His action had left Jennie confused and restless. Why had this almost stranger shown more worry for her than the most important people in her life; who had failed to notice that there was something wrong with her?

The next day when she went back to school she found Hanbin searching for her before the bell rang, and when his eyes found hers, he had shot her a small tentative smile that still creased his eyes and lifted his mouth.

She was thirteen when there was something hot and warm pushing against her chest wanting to burst out. Jennie had run away, pushing past the students to find a place for herself as the world around her spun and his smiling face flashed across her closed eyelids. Jennie didn’t understand. What was this feeling and why was she feeling like this? That was when the research had started and by the next three weeks, Jennie could proudly say that she had nearly read half of the books found in the romance genre of her school’s library.

Soon, Jennie was running in the same circle of friends as him. They were a big group, comprising of around ten students from the same year as her with a few students in higher grades. Jennie had talked to or held a conversation with every member of the group besides Hanbin. She had even become close friends with Mino; a goofy guy who was a year older than her and always made sure to crack a corny joke to make her laugh. Jennie was also friendly with Jinwoo; Mino's friend and someone Jennie considered to be an older cousin of sorts. Jennie was closer to him than any other but their closeness stopped at the line of them being as close as cousins at the best. She was also well acquainted with the rest of the guys in Mino’s group who called themselves Winner and Hanbin’s group who called themselves Ikon.

Honestly, Jennie had found it very childish at first, not really understanding why their groups had to be named like that however when she had seen the pride in Habin’s eyes as he associated himself with ‘Ikon’ she had grown to find it ever so endearing. The group that consists only of Ikon and Winner members grew into a bigger group until Jennie was just floating around. She was still around Hanbin because she hung around a lot with Mino and Jinwoo and now Seungyoon, Seunghoon and Taehyun. They were nice boys to hang out with but Jennie still missed the company of girls; although she had never encountered a problem, she had also never been good at being friends with girls.

Then, in the first week of the second term of year 7, she made friends with Kim Jisoo. Jisoo was a bright and vibrant girl that was so very different from Jennie. She was loud and funny, chatty and always seeking to be in the limelight. Jennie had been fascinated; how could such a bright and warm person exist? Jennie hadn’t known then that Jisoo was possibly the dullest and the coldest person she would encounter for a long time in her life. Jennie blossomed with Jisoo and grew so close that they started even proclaiming each other as sisters. Jisoo’s parents would shake their heads with a fond smile at them and Jennie’s parents would never be around for Jennie to show off her sister. A family comprised of those that Jennie had chosen and taken pride in calling her own.

Few days after meeting Jisoo, Jennie met Taeyong. Two days later she met Irene. Four months later, they were inseparable. Taeyong had become someone she protected at all times just as he looked out and protected her at all times. Along with Jisoo, she had started to imagine Irene as her sister and someone she knew she couldn’t part from. The short time they had spent together had worked wonder and she knew that their bond was extraordinary. She hadn’t thought it possible but Jisoo and especially Taeyong and Irene became the most important people in her life. Mino would glance at her small group that comprised of her most important people and give a soft smile and Jennie knew they were right to belong in her heart. 

Seventh grade passes in a blur, with Jennie maintaining perfect grades and admiring Hanbin from afar. The distance between them growing every day. Anyday, Jennie complains of this, Jisoo replies with a snarky comment that is immediately backed up by a “you can do better, Jennie” and so Jennie learns to keep it down and quite. If Jisoo her best friend can’t understand the way she felt, who would? This fear leads her to keep her mouth around Taeyong and Irene shut. She can’t face any judgment from them, she just can’t. She knows it would hurt her too much.

Little does Jennie know that she is a bit oblivious and doesn’t realise besides Hanbin and a few of his Ikon members, everyone from Winner, Irene and Taeyong already know of her crush on him. They never encourage her to confess to him but leave her to her own devices knowing that forcing her would get them nowhere. So, Jennie takes her time and tries her best to muster up her courage and spends a lot of her nights strategizing on how to approach Hanbin.

Jennie enters the eighth grade and thinks that she will manage it by the end of the first week. She has everything planned out and ready to go. She eas ready for everything; everything but..her. It is a Wednesday when Jennie is chatting quietly with Taeyong when she first sees Lalisa Manoban. Lalisa Manoban who had transferred to her school that very day and has Hanbin trailing after her with a dazed look in his eyes and a light blush across his face as he gazes at her equally shy face that’s looking up at him with big doe-like eyes.

It is also the same day Jung Jaehyun joins their school. He’s beautiful and smart, fawned over by the girls of the school. He's even liked by the older girls and just like Lisa ,has been accepted into Jennie's group almost immediately. He's straight from America but Jennie doesn’t notice. She doesn't notice him but she can't help but notice the blush similar to Hanbin spread across his face when he talks to Lalisa. Now, she mainly sees Hanbin and Lisa from the distance as she feels the colours draining from her world.


	2. II.

Jennie doesn't really know how these past few years flew. She’s seventeen now, all grown up.

Jennie has matured both personality and appearances wise. She’s grown up to be a beautiful girl with a small face that sports chubby cheeks and attractive cat-like eyes. Her hair had recently been dyed a lighter shade of brown and her body was in a fit shape. Jennie had even taken up her passion of dancing even more vigorously, devoting many hours and days. She loved the feeling of being lost in the dance, in her steps and the song, all of which was so far from her reality. The songs that she danced to never related in any way to her problems, while she was dancing, she was living someone else's life and Jennie loved it. 

Jennie had been going to the old “FlyHIGH” dance studio for eleven years before Lalisa had transferred in. Jennie had watched with blank eyes as Lalisa had stood in the middle of the dance floor, eyes bright and her body bouncing in excitement as she danced. Lalisa had been exceptionally good. Everyone had been impressed; the students watching her with open curiosity and the dance instructor Mia who had been watching with a beaming smile. That night as she lay in bed, Jennie had wondered why Lalisa couldn't seem to be able to leave her alone? Why did she want to torment Jennie so much? Jennie had tried her best to ignore her, she really had, but Lalisa was made up of optimism and persistence.

Soon, enough, Lisa was going around claiming Jennie to be one of her best friends and all Jennie could do was a nod in a nonchalant manner, her heart beating fast and her body experiencing a strange numbness. Jennie, Jisoo, and Lalisa are now always seen together; together during breaks, shopping, class and even after school. Jisoo claims that they have grown a lot after the forming of the trio. In a hushed whisper, Jisoo confesses how much Lalisa really means to her now, how much she has helped with her self-esteem and her problematic situation. Jennie doesn't ask Jisoo how Lalisa had helped her, she lays next to her, her ears ringing and bile rising at the back of her throat. Jennie really misses Irene.

Two weeks after Lalisa joining her dance studio, Hanbin has suddenly started visiting a lot. He would show up, just in time for Lalisa to either finish or start and he would sit in the corner, where the darkness fell on his form, hiding him from everyone. His eyes would be bright as he traced Lalisa's form and his lips would be constantly fighting back a smile. By the fourth week, everyone in the studio believed them to be a "sweet" couple, who only had eyes for each other. Jennie would have to sit still, listening and begging the tears wouldn't fall. She had gotten very good at ignoring the words, the rumours that constantly surrounded them.

When Jennie turns seventeen, there is a big dance competition held by the school. Jennie's instructor wants Jennie to participate and tells her she is "one of the best students". Jennie doesn't want to ask when she went from the best to one of the best, so she agrees. The next day, when Jennie arrives at the dance studio, she is not alone. Lisa is standing next to Mia, smiling wide and Jennie had never hated her so much before. Jennie feels tears building up again but takes a deep breath. She knew she should have expected this, things had been different after the arrival of Lalisa after all. Jennie casually makes her way to the two, also just realising Hanbin's presence. She is too tired to care.

"Jennie, you're here " Lalisa squeals.

"Lalisa" is all Jennie replies with.

Jennie sees her frown, and she knows it's because Jennie had never taken the step with the rest of Lalisa's friends and taken to calling her, Lisa.

As Lisa's mouth opens to say something back, Jennie swiftly walks to the other side of the room to place her bag down. When she turns back, Lalisa is watching her uncertainty and Hanbin's gaze is burning a hole through her. Jennie gives the other girl a small tight smile, making sure to scrunch up her eyes just a bit. Lalisa's face instantly brightens before she's squealing, her arms around Jennie as she starts pulling her to show her the steps.

Jennie nods then start following along. Jennie's moves and flowing yet sharp, and while her face may have remained blanked throughout the dance, there's no denying the elegance and the charisma that Jennie brings to the dance floor. Hanbin's gaze lingers more on her frame than Lalisa's that day and Jennie feels lighter and happier than she ever has.

The next day, Jennie has to run to the cafeteria after seeing Hanbin ask Lisa out in front of the whole school. They also announce their decision of applying and being accepted at the same University. Jennie doesn't wait for the answer, because everyone in the cafeteria already knows. Jennie doesn't stop to see anyone else's reaction either because she knows they're too invested in the couple, their eyes hungrily taking everything in. Jennie is crying on the staircase near the playground when Jaehyun approaches her.

They talk for the first time after his transfer to Jennie's school. Jennie doesn't say anything neither does Jaehyun. They both know about the crushes they held for Hanbin and Lisa. It hadn't taken her long to figure out after seeing Jaehyun watching after them just as she had. As they sit there, Jennie's tears slowly disappear and she tells Jaehyun, how she had been neglected as a child. She tells him she can count the number of times she has seen her father, and the number is still less than ten. Jennie tells him the toxic process of bottling up her emotions and feelings because she had always been told they would never be worth anything. Her parent's negligence, the loneliness that she had been battling since she was a child had obviously grown much bigger and now she could barely speak up. The bitchy persona she kept was just the defense mechanism she used to battle the insecurities and mental trauma. Jennie also admits the trauma has left her unable to speak up or act as child/showoff and seek attention to make up for the attention she never got as a child.

Jaehyun listens to her patiently and silently, even when the bell rings and they hear the students moving around and going to their last period.After few minutes of silence, Jaehyun tells Jennie, she should leave. She should go far away and bury herself in a different grave. Jennie agrees, Jaehyun tells her he's leaving too. He's going back to America.

Exactly, two weeks later, Jennie musters up courage and asks her parents for permission. They barely give her a glance, when they hand her a card. "That should take care of everything", her mother mutters, typing furiously, eyes focused only on her monitor.


	3. III.

It's time to say goodbye. Jennie doesn't want to drag this out, she wants to say goodbye to Jisoo, Taeyong, Mino and Irene; make some false promises and be on her merry way. Every minute she stays around these people she feels as though she's suffocating. Hanbin's face hasn't left her mind, not since the cafeteria incident. Funnily enough, Jaehyun's face hasn't left her mind either. Jennie wonders if he's doing okay in America; he had left two days after their "talk". He had only said a proper goodbye to Yuta, a beautiful Japanese transfer student who he liked to hang out with. 

Yuta had always been a funny character in Jennie's eyes, he seemed to always follow her around with her eyes yet made no move to approach her. He avoided talking to her yet helped her with anything small or big. Jennie had at one point tried to get closer to him after listening to Jisoo's advice, however, he had just pushed her away. Jennie understood him so she left him alone, opting to think of him as just a friendly acquaintance. She didn't want to think of him as something more, she didn't trust herself to get attached to him. He reminded her too much of Kwon Jiyong, who she had met when she had been seven. She used to like to imagine him as her guardian angel, her older brother who would protect her from everything. Jennie hasn't seen or heard from him since the age of fourteen. She doesn't know if he's dead or alive, doesn't know if he still remembers her or has forgotten. 

In Jaehyun's last day of school which only Yuta and Jennie were aware of, Jennie had met his eyes when the bell had rung for the end of school. Jaehyun had given her a small nod and a smile that had taken her breath away. It had left Jennie wondering if she looked the same as him, beautiful yet with a pain so raw, no matter how blinding his smile was, the pain wasn't hidden. She had turned away when Lalisa had grabbed onto her arm squealing "Unnie" into her ears. When Jennie had turned back to look at Jaehyun, he had already left. That day, after school Jennie smoked two packs of cigarettes with Yuta in his tiny apartment. She didn't know why she had sought out Yuta, but it had turned out that way. They had sat in silence, Yuta diligently smoking and drinking his troubles away while Jennie had opted to just smoke. After drinking half a bottle of whiskey, Yuta had suddenly gotten a hold of her, crying and begging her to call him "onii chan". By the time, Yuta falls asleep, Jennie's voice is hoarse from calling him "onii chan" over and over again. The next week at school, everyone seems to be talking about the disappearance of Jaehyun and Yuta. 

When Jennie buys her ticket to New Zealand, she finds the courage to approach Jisoo. Jisoo takes one look at her face before Jennie is being pulled to an empty classroom. Jennie tells Jisoo that she's leaving, it hurts too much to stay. Jennie tells Jisoo about her crush on Hanbin since she was thirteen, how she has been pining after him. Jennie reveals to Jisoo how she has been feeling about Hanbin, about Lisa and about how they got together. When Jennie has finished with her story, the classroom is quiet for a long time. Jennie can't find it in herself to speak or to look Jisoo in the eyes, she's staring out the window, looking at the clear sky. When Jisoo does speak it's harsh and cutting and leaves Jennie feeling worse than she has ever felt.

"God, you're damn selfish arent you, Nini?" Jisoo scoffs her mouth twisted furiously. Jennie doesn't say anything, just clenches her fist until her nails are digging into her palms. 

"Hanbin and Lisa are happy. Happy in love. They understand each other, trust each other, support and care for each other, and you're jealous?" Jisoo's voice is rising in volume and Jennie's not sure what to do. Her eyes are staring blankly at the floor, her body heating up and the familiar feeling of hatred towards herself bubbling up. Jisoo grabs her chin between her fingers before forcing Jennie to meet her eyes. 

"Do you know how selfish, how dramatic you sound?" Jisoo continues. "I understand that you had a crush on him when you were younger, but how could you do this to Lisa?"   
"How could you do this to someone who considered you a close friend of theirs, someone who loved and respected you? If you had any self-respect, any positive feelings for her at all, you would have never even thought of saying this out loud". Jisoo stopped to take a sharp breath.

"Do you know how you can ruin their new relationship just because of your dramatics Jennie, do you? Instead of feeling happy for them, you're complaining to me about your love for Hanbin by completely disregarding their love for each other " Jisoo screeched shaking Jennie by the shoulders. 

Jennie was baffled. She had never imagined Jisoo to react like this. Tears were brimming in her eyes as she bit her lips to muffle her sobs. Just as Jisoo grabbed her face again, the door to the classroom swung open. Jennie let out a sob, tears finally running down her face. She heard the sharp sound of heels clicking on the floor as whoever it was made their way across to Jennie and Jisoo. Jennie raised her head, ready to take this opportunity and run only to bump into Irene. 

The look on Irene's face is frightening, her eyes sparkling with anger her lips twisted into a sharp smile. Irene looks at Jennie, her eyes taking in Jennie's obvious sadness and tears. Before anyone is aware of what is going on, Irene slaps Jisoo across her face. Jennie is just as shocked as Jisoo who stands frozen gazing at Irene in fear and confusion. Irene slaps Jisoo again. Jisoo's cheeks have started to colour as Irene's palm print have started to form. Irene raises her hands for the third strike when Jennie grabs onto her, hysterical and scared. Irene stills before proclaiming Jisoo "a waste of space" and someone to 'always be hated" before dragging Jennie away. 

When they reach the rooftop, Irene doesn't look at Jennie. However, she calmly tells Jennie how much she hates Jisoo. Irene tells Jennie, how she had similarly approached Jisoo and shared her problems only to be met with the same sort of behaviour. Jisoo had laughed at her, at her problems and made her out to be an ungrateful drama queen who sought nothing but compliments for her looks. 

Irene then had gone into details about her life, but the poor financial state of their family and how they had been in a state where they would be struggling to buy something as small as tissue boxes. Irene then tells her how this was the start of her modelling career as a six-year-old. She had appeared in ads and TV just so she could help her family eat. Her looks were her biggest weapon, but it was also the thing Irene resented the most. Her looks were the reason why she was being used day after day, the reason why she was hated by her sisters and the only reason why her parents paid attention to her. Her lack of self- confidence and self-worth as well as self-hatred all stemmed from being used only for her beauty. She further continues about the reason why Jisoo was going around undermining everyone else's problems were due to the fact that she was never brave or strong enough to tackle her own problems. Jisoo's habit of hiding from her problems and forcing them to become insignificant to her had also leas for her to adopt the same strategy when tackling other's problem.

Abruptly, Irene stops. She looks at Jennie once again, and the fierce person Jennie had seen moments ago is replaced by a sad girl who is struggling to love herself. Irene tells Jennie she's leaving for Japan and it's good Jennie is leaving too. Irene then gives Jennie one last time before she too walks away and Jennie is left in the school rooftop. 

Jennie decides she isn't strong enough to say her goodbyes to Taeyong and Mino. She leaves without informing anyone, the knowledge of Irene leaving another secret that she takes with her. When she reaches New Zealand, there are hundreds of messages from Taeyong, Mino, Jinwoo, the rest of Mino's groups and even Lalisa. She doesn't answer any however she reads them all. Everyone's curious about her whereabouts. The abrupt departure of Jaehyun, Yuta and now Jennie and Irene has created many rumours about them. From the messages she read, Jennie understands that the school believes those who left all had a story that connected to each other. 

A thousand miles away, Jennie scoffs surprised that Jisoo had decided not to tell anyone the real reason why Jennie left. Jennie shakes her head, once again feeling drained before she decides to completely restart her phone before she throws it away in the bin. Jennie is finally free and away from the pain, completely in ease knowing that Irene; the only person she cared about was also free and away.


	4. IV.

Three years after Year 12, Jennie receives a call. It's an unknown number and also seems to be from a different country. She recognises the number to be from South Korea. Jennie bites her lips, wondering who could possibly be calling her as she was sure no one had access to her number. Jennie doesn't want to pick it up. Her mind has started whirling with possibilities, images of all her friends and acquaintances popping up. The image of Hanbin lingers longer than anyone else. Jennie shakes her head.

Honestly, a few years away from him have worked wonders. She now understands how toxic his presence or rather more importantly how her obsession with him had been. Jennie was not proud, but she was willing to be better. She was willing to build herself up, change her ways and become a better person. Someone she could be proud of. Someone her parents would notice and care for, someone that they would love. 

Jennie grit her teeth before making up her mind. In a swift motion, she presses the accept button on the screen. The voice on the other side is a male, an unsure and incredibly hesitant male who is calling her name. Jennie. Jennie. Jennie. She instantly knows who it is. She knows the voice. She can see the man behind the voice in her head, she can see the way his eyebrows are probably scrunched and she can see his fingers fidgeting and pulling at his shirt. Jennie is still unsure, however. Could it really be him? Why now, why after all this time?

"Mino, Mino, is that you?" Jennie asked. 

She was met with silence, the voice on the other side had gone silent so suddenly, Jennie feared she had misunderstood everything. She hadn't seen or heard Mino in so long, how could she assume this man was him?

"I'm sorry, I thought you were --  
"So you do remember me! " the voice- no, Mino whispered.

"Of course" Jennie whispered back. 

Suddenly, Jennie felt this giddy feeling bubble up. It was Mino. Her childhood friend, one of her best friends. He had called. After all these years, he had still remembered and called. Before she knew it, two hours had passed and Jennie found herself comfortable in her couch, having just finished her talk with Mino. She couldn't believe she had talked to him for so long but Mino had always been someone to pull you in, to get you talking. Few minutes into the call, he had started telling her about everyone and everything had happened after she had left. Jennie had laughed along and become so involved, she felt as though she was experiencing it all for herself. The smile on her face stretching larger and larger as the minutes ticked by. Then, after all the laughter Mino had adopted a more serious tone. He had asked her earnestly, why she had left? Why Irene, Yuta and Jaehyun had left? Had something happened? Was the reason for their abrupt departure all connected to each other?

Jennie's breath caught in her throat and silence descended upon them once more. The five seconds of silence seemed to last forever for Jennie before Mino broke it with a question. "Why didn't you tell me, or better yet tell Taeyong?"

Jennie hung up. She hung up as soon as she heard the name Taeyong. She didn't want to remember him. She could not think of him without the guilt and the self-hatred trying to drown her. Taeyong was a kindred soul, someone she connected to on a different level. He was like her twin to be more specific. While Jisoo and Irene had been her sisters, Taeyong had gone from being an acquaintance to a little brother and finally a twin. He was a confusing boy, who struggled with feelings more than her and yet made sure to live his life showing a false image where he was forever smiling. Taeyong and Jennie had met under.....interesting conditions which helped strengthen their bond. Leaving him behind had been the hardest thing she had ever done, the guilt haunted her day and night. She had spent a lot of her days, in her bathroom her throat and stomach burning as the same feeling made her throw up again and again. She had thought of contacting him a lot, but in the end there here was always something that stopped her from calling him.

The sound of her phone ringing broke her out of her thoughts. Mino had called again. Jennie ignored it. She ignored the three next rings as well before the need to know about Taeyong got to her. She picked up and she asked Mino, how Taeyong was? He tells her everything from his change in attitude to his college major and even to his change in looks. Mino's worried tone tells her that Taeyong has lost control. He can't show the same happy facade that he used to when Jennie was still in Korea, and now everyone believes him to be struggling. Jennie knows that they don't understand he has been like this for a long time, and she isn't surprised. The group, their classmates never saw beyond the surface and Jennie doesn't blame them. They had been too involved with their own problems to notice anyone else. However, Mino's tone leaves no doubt that the reason for Taeyong's slip of control had been Jennie. She had been the one to hurt him. When she voices this to Mino, he doesn't deny but doesn't actively tell her it was her fault and Jennie, she takes it as confirmation.

Mino and Jennie talk ever more but they never approach the subject of Hanbin and Lalisa. Perhaps it was due to Mino being aware of Jennie's crush or realising that it was an overly sensitive topic, he thankfully never brought them up. Jennie didn't see the need to bring up the very past that drove her away either.

Three months had passed and Jennie and Mino talk every week. Jinwoo is the only one from Mino's group to know he talks to Jennie. Jennie had talked to him too and feeling after had left her feeling more lighter than ever. Six months later, Mino asked her to visit him, to visit the rest in South Korea. Jennie had firmly told him, she had left it behind and had no intention of trying to build it up again. Mino persisted for two weeks until Jennie told him, she could learn to leave him behind like she had done so with others. Mino stopped but their talks from then on always had a theme of nostalgia and what could have been.

Four years after Year 12 and a whole year after talking to Mino, Jennie got a call from Mino's number. He hadn't called for two weeks and she had tried very hard to get in touch. He had stopped calling abruptly and Jennie had gone sleepless nights wondering if she had done something wrong. When she had finally accepted the call, it was Jinwoo. He had been crying while telling her of Mino's accident. Mino was in the hospital and had just woken up after two weeks. He had gotten run over by the car as he was about to call Jennie. After he had woken up, Jennie was the first person he wished to see. 

That very night, Jennie booked a flight to South Korea. She informed her mom's secretary to tell her parents before she was off. When Jennie got off at the S. Korean airport, it was Mino that came to pick her up. He had tricked her. He had tricked her into thinking he was in trouble to get her to come back to her country. Jennie was furious. She was so so furious. However, she slowly felt the fury leaving her body as she spent more time with Mino. When she had properly calmed down and gone with him to his apartment the rest of Winner members welcomed her warmly, and he finally he told her the real reason he brought her back. He told her it was for a reunion. Jennie was dumbfounded. She couldn't believe it was all for a reunion. However, Mino explained, everyone was going to be there. He had even managed to convince Irene, who was in Japan to be there for the reunion. Every single person from Jennie's year was going to be there and that included Hanbin, Lisa, Taeyong and Jisoo.

Resigned, Jennie agreed. Especially when she realised the reunion was tomorrow and she would only be required to be in S. Korea for a short time before she could go back to New Zealand.

The night of the reunion, she walked hand in hand with Winner members who were beaming at the thought of seeing all their friends once again. After all, it had been a while. It had been more than four years for them. Jennie allowed herself to enjoy their jokes and laugh at their foolishness which was obviously intended to keep her from feeling depressed. Jennie was thankful and more than a little touched. As the night went on, Jennie saw a lot of familiar faces. She saw Bobby and Kai from English, Chen, Jimin and Dahyun from Maths with Mr Tablo. Chaeyoung, Chunga and Jihyo from Cheerleading among many other faces. Feeling drained, she made her way to the dark corner of the lively party with a drink in hand.

"Ready to get smashed?" a voice asks her. 

Jennie turns her face to come across Jaehyun. He is still as beautiful as ever and Jennie can not believe how stupid she had been to never notice. His dark eyes glinted with mischief and his face seem to be glowing due to the small smile in his face. Jennie knew the smile was mocking and fake yet she couldn't tear her eyes aways. Jaehyun was still so breathtakingly beautiful. 

"Jaehyun," Jennie said shocked before regaining her composure and clarifying. "It's just water".  
"What are you doing here?" Jennie questioned before she could stop herself.   
Jaehyun face grew amused as a faint dimple appeared in his right cheek. 

"Well to answer your question, I was also in your year however just like you, I was also tricked into coming to this reunion" he replied. 

Jennie opened her mouth, thought better than closed it with a nod in his direction. What else could she do? Jaehyun and Jennie had never really been close. She didn't really know his story like he knew bits of her. The only time they had ever conversed had been the time when they decided to leave the country after Hanbin and Lisa's relationship reveal.  
Jennie and Jaehyun sat together for the rest of the night, not speaking to each other but drawing comfort from each other. Jaehyun warned Jennie when Winner members came near them to find Jennie, giving Jennie enough time to hide. Jennie, on the other hand, made a show of staking claim over Jaehyun to deter any girls from approaching him. While it was awkward, Jaehyun's grateful nods after interested girls backed off kept Jennie from overthinking things.

Just as the party was dying down, an excited buzz filled the air. Jennie and Jaehyun lean forward from their chairs to find out the source of this sudden excitement. They watch as Lalisa and Hanbin, the two individuals who Jennie and Jaehyun tried their best to avoid slowly made their way to the middle of the dance floor. Jennie's hands started shaking and a quick glance at Jaehyun showed he had turned an unnatural shade of grey. 

Jennie had this building feeling that whatever was going to be announced was not going to be something she liked. Just the sight of the two standing so close to each other with their hands linked and nervous smiles in their faces was causing Jennie pain. Knocking over the chair, Jennie stood up. No one noticed her, their attention fixed on Hanbin who had started to talk about the sweet school memories that he shared with Lalisa. Jennie felt tears leaving her eyes. She was sobbing now, her hands clenched into fists and yet no one noticed her. She felt a hand rest on her shoulder before she felt herself being pulled into the shadows. Jaehyun had her trapped between the wall and his arms, his eyes hard and his jaw clenched tight. Jennie sobs subsided as she watched him close his eyes as Lalisa started talking about her memories. Jennie grabbed Jaehyun's arms as a wave of nausea hit her. He opened his eyes to look at her before he gestured for her to be quiet but Jennie had already stopped crying. She felt absolutely sick.

There was a ringing in her ears and her skin was hot and sweaty. Her eyes had started blurring with the uncalled tears once again and Jennie knew the only reason she could stand was due to Jaehyun's firm grip. 

"Lisa and I are engaged, we're getting married" Hanbin's excited voice suddenly reached them and Jennie let herself go. 

She stood still, the words repeating in her head. Again and again and again. She felt a weight on her forehead and looked up to find Jaehyun leaning on her his forehead pressed against her forehead. His expression one of pain and heartbreak; his eyes closed. Jennie couldn't look at him, so she closed her eyes just like him. They stood there like that for a long time. Jennie and Jaehyun. Jaehyun and Jennie. Two people who didn't have a reason to be hurt, not really. They were just two people who had stupidly decided to love, to obsess and to give themselves fully to people who hardly knew or cared for them. They had given themselves to Kim Hanbin and Lalisa Manoban; two people happy in love and soon to be wed to someone that wasn't named Jennie Kim or Jung Jaehyun. 

Jennie and Jaehyun broke away from their intimate position when they heard the sound of someone clearing their throat. It was Jackson Wang, who was looking positively gleeful at having caught them together. Just as he went around screaming about another "snogging" couple, Jaehyun turned to Jennie once more.

"I'm leaving," Jaehyun said, looking very very different to the heartbroken man from just moments ago.

Jennie' eyes, however, followed Jackson's figure which had now reached the newly engaged couple, who in turn had started searching for them. When Lalisa eyes came close to where Jennie was standing, she turned to Jaehyun. 

With a bitter smile and sparkling eyes that made her look painfully beautiful, she looked Jaehyun in the eyes before she said: "I'm done running away".


	5. V.

“Well, if it isn’t Jennie Kim. The resident ice princess. What brings you back to our old country?” Jennie heard a coy voice ask.

Jennie tensed. She knew that voice, of course she knew it. It was a voice that she had grown used to hearing almost everyday of her life for years. It had been long since she heard it, but there was no mistaking who it was.

It was Irene. Beautiful, fierce Irene who was standing with a smile so sharp, Jennie couldn’t help but wince. It wasn’t the sharpness however, it was the hesitant ,the hurtful look in Irene’s eyes as they drank Jennie and Jaehyun’s figures that made her uncomfortable.

“Cat got your tongue, honey,?” Irene questioned once more moving closer to them, her gorgeous sparkly black dress shimmering and dancing with the cold wind around them.

As Irene stood in front of her, just barely an inch shorter than Jennie, she couldn’t help it. She wrapped her arms around Irene’s waist and let herself breath. She had missed her friend and as Irene returned the hug, Jennie realised the extent to how much she had missed her best friend. Her sister. The one who had stood up for her. The one who had always been there for her, sometimes quiet and silent ready to offer her shoulders and sometimes loud and wild ready to throw fists just to defend her.

Jennie could feel a sob building up, but she wouldn’t cry. She was strong and after all that had happened just moments ago, she didn't think she had any tears left to lose. So, she pulled away and held Irene at her arms length, trying to drink all of her. Suddenly, she heard a cough. Sheepishly, Jennie turned around to find Jaehyun; scratching the back of his neck looking so lost and awkward that once again Jennie couldn’t control herself. She gravitated towards him and found herself holding his hands as she dragged him to Irene.

“Irene, you remember Jaehyun don’t you?” Jennie asked, a light blush spreading across her cheeks. Jennie couldn’t believe she had forgotten a whole living breathing person for Irene.

Irene smirked, glancing at the tightly clenched hands of Jennie and Jaehyun before she turned to him.

“So, our ice princess ran for an ice prince of her own, eh?” Irene laughed loudly. Jaehyun frowned. Jennie rolled her eyes. Irene loved to mess with guys, to get under their skin and make them hate her. It was a thing she did, believing if they hated her they wouldn’t run after her love. Love, that she believed she had none to give.

“Cut it Irene, he’s a good guy” Jennie butt in before Jaehyun could. Irene laughed again, but it was lighter. Almost relieved.

“If he’s yours , he must be” Irene smiled softly.

Jaehyun looked bemused at the turn of mood yet refrained from saying anything. Jennie looked at him then trying to reassure him through her gaze. She could see that the announcement earlier had shaken him. His eyes were still haunted and they seem to be begging her for reassurance. So, she tried to tell him, it would be fine. He would get through it. She would get through it. She would sabotage this relationship if she had to but they would not break like this. They would not suffer like this.

As they stood gazing at each other, radiating pain and trying to reach each other, Irene’s voice broke through their concentration.

“Fuck it, let’s get smashed.”

Jennie couldn’t agree more. So, they set off, Jennie, Jaehyun and Irene all looking disheveled yet determined against all odds to drown away their troubles with soju. It wasn’t healthy, it wasn’t something anyone approved of but nothing about the three had ever been normal. It had never been easy , never been something they could laugh it off. No, it was only after an intense amount of drinking and a killer hangover the next morning,that the three learnt to get over their problem.

To no one’s surprise two hours later all three of them were smashed. Irene was screaming, her hair flying her eyes fixated on a random spot at the wall as she screamed. She laughed and sobbed, yelling and crying leaving more than a few people uncomfortable. Jennie on the other hand, was clinging to Jaehyun. She couldn't seem to keep her hands off him. It wasn’t that she was being inappropriate, her grip on him was just too hard. She seemed scare he would run away. Finally, Jaehyun our quiet boy was drooling on the table. His eyes were closed and he seemed asleep besides the occasional twitch of his arms. He didn't seem to mind or perhaps notice Irene’s constant screams or Jennie’s painful grip.

When the manager kicked them out after Irene fell of the table still yelling like a maniac, they managed to calm down. Well, Jennie regained her senses while Jaehyun finally woke up. As they walked around trying to find a place to sit with Irene snug between them, they decided the park would be the best place.

Jaehyun grunted as he dropped Irene. He was tired, being drunk and having to half drag a fully grown woman around the place was no joke! He glanced at Jennie to find her looking similarly tired yet still drunk as she seemed to struggle to sit down. The eyebrows were scrunched up , her arms awkwardly flapping around before Jaehyun pulled her down. On top of him. He managed a groan when she fell on his lap a bit too hardly. However, he hardly noticed the pain when he saw Jennie placing her face in the crook of his neck. He was uncomfortable. He hadn't been in this situation. Not with any girl. He had imagined short sweet moments like this of course but not with Jennie, or any other girl. He had seen himself with Lisa. Beautiful, graceful Lisa whose smile and kind nature seemed to draw everyone in. Her eye that shone so bright, it had captured Jaehyun the very first time he saw her.

He shifted again ,broken out of his thoughts as he felt Jennie shift again, now leaning her head in his chest. He felt bad for her, he really did. She was a tad bit messed up, but they were in the same boat and although she hadn’t told him her whole story, he can only imagine her pain and suffering. Then he realised, this girl was still very mysterious. He hasn’t spoken a word to her ever since she declared she was done running. He didn’t know how she felt, what she thought, her beliefs or anything associated to her besides what she had told him years ago. Truthfully, he didn't care. He still hasn't been able to forget how radiant Lisa looked and while Jennie was a cool acquaintance or whatever she was, she didn’t hold the same importance as Lisa.

Suddenly, as he was gazing down at her cat like face , he felt Irene roughly pull at Jennie. Jennie suddenly sat up still on his lap and looked around in a daze. Before Jennie or Jaehyun could comprehend, Irene had leaned over and captured Jennie’s lips with hers. Time froze. Jaehyun froze. Jennie froze,her eye going wide as her fist clenched together. They were stuck in that position for maybe seven seconds before Irene abruptly pulled back. Her face looked green. She held up a finger, scrambled back a bit before emptying her stomach right next to the slide.

Jennie was still frozen and on top of Jaehyun who also was in a state of shock. They watched as Irene stood up wobbling slightly as she did, before running away screaming once again however this time to pee. The two left behind, sat looking at the space Irene had been before Jennie pulled out two bottles of soju from her jacket.

Jaehyun frowned. He hadn’t remembered her stealing the bottles, but he didn't question it. Instead he watched her take a long swig before accepting the bottle offered his way. When they had gone through a bottle, Irene reappeared.

She looked more sober and her face seemed to have gained the coldness that Jaehyun had seen when they had first met. He swallowed. He didn't know what to expect. Both girls were unpredictable and scary, he could only hope he would get out uninjured. He was surprised however, when Irene plopped down next to Jennie.

Jaehyun held his breath as he saw her mouth open.

“I’m sorry. I know that was inappropriate. I don’t know what to say. I held this in for a long time Jen, so I want to tell you something. Will you listen to me for a bit?” Irene started calmly.

Jaehyun still had not taken a breath when Jennie glanced at him uncertainty. He squirmed. Should he leave ? Were they uncomfortable with him there? However, before he could say anymore , Jennie had given Irene a nod and she started once again.

“For a long time , I wondered if there was something wrong with me. Sure, I had gone through hardships while I was young, having to expose my body and use it as a tool to feed my family but I couldn't understand if it was the cause to my coldness. I notice what people think of me. I know when they thought of you as an ice princess, I was never far behind.”

Irene took a deep breath once again. She seemed unable to stop, desperate for someone to hear her story and Jennie and Jaehyun were willing. More than willing. They were there to comfort her as best as they could. They might be awkward and a bit broken but friendship was one of the purest and the most important relationship they had learnt to cherish.

“No matter the situation, I could not being myself to feel anything. I did not feel happiness or sadness. I wouldn't get excited or jealous, I was incapable of feeling frustrated or angry. Sometimes I did feel emotions however because contrary to the popular belief, I am not a robot.”

Here she gave a shrill laugh. Her eyes were shining with tears that seemed ready to fall and her previously bright face had lost its charm.

“ You know the one thing I can not feel even if I feel everything else , Jenduek ? It’s the one thing that has been killing you for years. Love. Ugh, what bullshit! Love. Love. Love. What does it even mean ? Why can’t I love anyone? Why can nobody love me? Then, you entered the picture. I had come to like you, think of you as someone close to me, then I understood. Out of everyone, you had shown me love. When you had been the first one to be my friend, the first person to appreciate me, the first person to care for me. The first person to look for me when I wasn’t there, the first person to compliment me even during my absence and also the very first person to never forget me or leave me behind. However, I couldn't understand myself. I didn't know if I loved you in a platonic way or in a romantic way, I had never felt this before, so naturally I had no way to distinguish my feelings. I hated everyone around you then. Most importantly, I hate Hanbin. I hated seeing you pine after him while you never noticed me pine after you. You were always so clueless when it came to anyone besides him. Well, him and Lalisa.

Well, that’s it. That’s all I had to say. I don't want to go into details about my feelings and thoughts because Rosé thought it would be better if I tried to leave it behind. I hope you understand.”

There was another pause after her words as everyone tried to take in this information. Eventually, Jennie broke the silence.

“Who- who is Rosé?”

Irene laughed.

“That’s the thing you got out of everything I just said? Rosé is my shrink. She’s pretty great, one of the most genuine and kind person I have met to this day.”

“Aah, well I want to tell you something as well. I want you to know and I want you to understand that I do love you. I don't say those words to people easily but I want you to know, with you it’s easy and normal as breathing. I don’t mind if you love me as a sister or as something else, but I also want you to know I could never give you the love I have for Hanbin. He is the one I love,more than anyone else.”

Jennie finally got off from Jaehyun and moved to Irene before engulfing her in a tight hug. Underneath the stars, Jaehyun was much too surprised or perhaps too used to the crazy day to even gasp when Jennie moved and placed a chaste kiss on Irene’s lips.

Another two hours later when it turned 4 in the morning, the trio found themselves in Irene’s apartment. She had recently passed out, a smile still on her lips due to the previous events.

Jennie and Jaehyun were left to fend for themselves. They find themselves once again entangled with each other on top of Irene's small couch. They are tired but Jennie’s eyes burn with a hot fire and Jaehyun feels himself losing all drowsiness. He's not even surprised to find himself to be the one to initiate the contact by kissing her on her neck. The same spot on his neck where she had buried her face.

Jennie responds enthusiastically and before long, she’s on top of him with her lips on his. Jaehyun pulls her tighter against him and she responds by suckling on his lower lip. He groans, which emits a moan from her. Jaehyun shifts on the spot, wanting to feel her on him even more. Jennie nips his lips. Hard. It draws blood and Jaehyun pulls back after the metallic taste. Jennie’s taking in short breaths and her eyes are hooded yet she giggles. Jaehyun finds himself grinning as welo before he stands up, making sure her legs are firmly wrapped around his waist. They move to the spare bedroom in Irene’s apartment and under slow morning as the sun is coming up, they sleep with each other for the first time.


End file.
